Thursday, December 17, 2015

Sexy Bit - The Bet

The Bet

Attractive Cincinnati Bengals Chick“It's time to pay up.”
“I don't wanna. Not yet.”
“Yes, now. You lost the bet. Ha ha ha.”
“Can't we do it when we go to bed?”
“Nope. Right now.” He unzipped his jeans and pulled them down.
She started to stroke his cock. “Come on, Ben. Pleeeeze? Can we wait?”
He smirked just a bit when he said, “So you said, “My Bengals will beat the snot out of your Patriots today.” And I said, “Put your money where your mouth is, bitch.””
She sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I remember. Then I said, “Okay, asshole, if the Pats win I'll blow you and swallow.””
“Yes, ma'am, you did. And guess what?”
“The Patriots won.”
“That's right, Bengal-babe. The Patriots won.”
“Damn it.”
“And who won the game? Tom Brady won the game. Tom Fucking Brady won the game. Booyah!”
“Well, then get Tom Brady to give you a blow job.”
“Oh no, Leah. You're not getting out of this one. Pay up … now!”
“Fuck.” After a few spits to get Ben's shaft ready for action, she plunged her head down on him. Faster and faster she bobbed up and down until he blasted a hot load into her mouth. She sucked the cum down her throat and, after she finished the last few drops, she pulled off.
“Oh, baby, that was great. You give great head. Phew.”
Leah wiped the last few drops of cum from around her lips into her mouth. She then looked at Ben with a combination of disgust and resignation.
She said, “Goddamn Tom Brady. I hate that motherfucker.”

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Sexy Bits - Snow Day

Snow Day

Sheila was very content in her bed. Snow had been coming down for several hours already and promised not to let up until sometime in the afternoon. And since she knew that school would be canceled, and she wouldn't have to put up with those snotty 10th graders at least for one day, she delighted in the prospect of not having to do anything but lay in bed and be comfy.
Her mind wandered to pleasant things. She thought about how much she enjoyed winter days when she was a child in Wisconsin and how much she looked forward to them. The look and feel of freshly fallen snow was always one of her favorite things, and there were times that she wished she was back on her family's farm rather than in Minneapolis. But at that moment, she happily watched the snowflakes falling, albeit heavily, into a new blanket of white bliss.
Sheila was happy.
“Bobbie,” she said, “I love the way you lick me. I came a couple of times.”
“I know,” said her lover. “I tasted it.”
Shelia giggled and then said, “I want to feel you in me. It's your turn to cum.” Bobbie grabbed her ankles, yanked her legs apart, and after she guided his manhood into her pussy, he plunged into her deep and roughly. She yelped, “Oh my god, YES!”
While Bobbie pounded away at her pussy with his erect, hard cock, Sheila laughed and sang, “Since we've no place to go … Holy shit, you're awesome… let it cum … Oh, baby, that feels wonderful … let it cum … Give it to me. I want it … let it cum … Ahhh, there it is.”

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Sexy Bits - The Load

The Load

“Can I cum on your face?”
“I asked if it's okay to cum on your face?”
“Um, sure. Okay. Not in my eyes though.”
“Gotta warn you, I drop a big load.”
“Hm? What did you say?”
“I said I drop a big load. Lots of cum. Lots.”
“Oh. Wow, you taste good. How big?”
“Big! Real big. It'll be a mess.”
“Can't be so much. Go ahead.”
“Okay, here it cums."
"Lay it on me, baby."
“Wha! What! Holy fucking shit! You weren't fucking kidding!”
“I warned you.”
“It's everywhere. It's on my blouse. Is it in my hair?”
“Yep. Right up the middle. The left side too.”
“Oh, shit! Where's a mirror?”
“In my closet, over there.”
“Kleenex. Paper towels. A handkerchief. Quick!”
“What time is it?”
“Damn it! I've got the rest of the day to go … and my new boss just came all over my red silk blouse after I gave him a blowjob. This is a helluva first day on the job, isn't it?”
"Well, I didn't hire you for your computer skills. Carry file folders everywhere you go. Hold them up high against your chest. By the way, nice rack.”
“What do I do about the cum splatter on my skirt?”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Well, fuck, you warned me, I guess. That was huge.”
“Not bad for a sixty year old man.”
“Not bad at all. How do I look?”
“Fine. Hold the file folders up higher. A blob got you on your collar.”
“Okay. How do I look?”
“Fine. Good luck. See you tomorrow.”
“Yes, sir. 9:00 am sharp, every day. (kiss) Next time, I'll eat it and swallow.”

Monday, December 7, 2015

Sexy Bits - She Thought

She Thought

She thought ...

I've got to remember to call Aunt Nancy tomorrow and wish her happy birthday.
Damn, that was a big one.
Cat food! I have to remember to pick up some cat food.
Come on already. Step up and let it happen, guys.
I guess I need milk too.
Fuck. This one's big!
Bread. Bread too.
It's pretty tight, but I've got it. (spit) That'll help.
Walking Dead on tonight?
I've only got two hands fellas.
Note to self—do NOT go back to that bar again. The men there acted like they'd never seen a chick before. Not that I blame them. I was looking quite hot, thank you very much.
Ugh! I hate when they aim for my eyes.
Not that I'm unhappy or anything. It just isn't how I expected this evening to end up.
And not in my ear either, you asshole.
I mean, all I had in mind was a night out, maybe pick up some dude, make a quick couple of hundred and go home.
Ow! My nose. Why do men have to push so hard?
So, like, I didn't expect to be picked up and, well, you know … this. But two grand is two grand.
Not my ass! Fuck, that hurts.
The money will come in handy. Need to get the car looked at. But then that cute guy at the shop always takes a trade.
They're moving in on me. They're ganging up. Back off boys, just a bit.
Let's see, I have a small dick in my left hand and a monster in the right. Hellooo rightee.
These seem like a cool bunch of dudes. Nice. They've been polite. No one seems to want to rough me up, like that last time. Fuck. That got out of control too fucking easily.
Wow. Look at this blonde guy. I want his number. He wins!
I'll take my time on him. Big. Hard. Nice. I want more.

She said, “Hey, stick around after everyone is done. I want to talk to you.”
The blonde guy said, “Sure thing. Ready?”
She said, “Yeah. Give it to me.

Wow, he tastes good.
I'm glad I brought a scrunchie for my hair.
Ahhh! Yeah. Fill me up guys.”
I must look like a mess. It's everywhere. These guys can't aim worth a shit.

She asked, “How many has that been?”
An anonymous voice answered, “22. Maybe 23.”
“How many more are there? I can't see.”
“Another 30.”
“Okay. Bring it on. You're a great group of guys. And I'm really getting off on it.”

Friday, July 17, 2015

Monty Python Has This to Say About Jay Gaudette

Good evening. Welcome to Looking at Literature on BBC 1. Tonight we have noted erotica critic Sir Lawrence Drooling. It's a pleasure to have you on the show tonight.

Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.

I'd like to start by asking you what your impressions of author Jay Gaudette are.

Well, I'll answer that two ways. First, in my normal voice, then in a whining high-pitched screech. Jay Gaudette is one of my favorite authors, to be frank. His characters are spot on, he's funny, and the plots are very interesting. Oh, and the romantic elements are TSHEEE IIIIIIIIK BEEEKY BEEEKY ZIIIIIP QUIIIIIZZEEE GEEPYGEEPY FIZZZZZ FWEEEKKKK....

While his lordship is answering the question, Jay Gaudette's Unconventional Affairs Romance Series is available at Smashwords. They are available with the You Pick The Price option with a suggested donation of 99 cents. The option would include them being available for free, but only during the current Binge-Read event. Ah, I believe he's coming to the end of his answer.

And that is why I encourage all readers, especially of romance literature, to make sure that they include Jay Gaudette's works in their library.

Thank you, your Lordship. And that's all the time we have for Looking at Literature. Next on BBC1, Monty Python's Flying Circus.

And now for something completely different.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Just The Facts, Ma'am.

It was warm in Los Angeles, the Dodgers were on a winning streak and most of the population was minding their own business. Reading ebooks was the popular pastime for the summer; all kinds of books. But sometimes it gets rough in the digital press world. That's where I come in. My name is Friday—Joe Friday.

Along with my partner, Bill Gannon, I was working out of the Literature Division, assigned to a special romance task force. There had been a string of people reporting the same kind of thing—an uncontrollable addiction to a new romance short form called Unconventional Affairs. The main perpetrator was a cool cat with a long literary rap sheet named Jay Gaudette.
We got a call from a Wilhelmina Vandervort in Burbank. We checked out a squad car and headed out.
I rang the doorbell. When the door opened we were face to face with an attractive brunette with disheveled hair and pale skin, the kind of skin you'd see on someone that hadn't been out of their house in days.
“Yes? Can I help you?” she said.
“Police, ma'am. My name is Friday. This is Gannon.”
“Oh, good. You're here. It's been terrible, just terrible. It's Unconventional Affairs. I cant' stop.”
“Why don't you tell us about it, ma'am.”
“I can't stop reading it. I'm addicted.”
“Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts.” I'd seen readers like her before, strung out on Gaudette's prose. She had it bad.
“Well, I downloaded a sample from, read it, then, well, I lost control. They're so good. The characters are amazing. The stories and scenes are exciting. The dialogues are crisp and clean. And they're rated PG13 and R, not X.”
“Yes, ma'am. We've heard this before. Let me just confirm a few things with you.”
“Sure, officer.”
I ran the down the list of what we already knew about Unconventional Affairs. “They're short form, right?”
“Yes, that's right. Just a few thousand words. Quick and easy to read.”
“They're about three women—Carol, Monica and Marie—and the people in their lives and how they learned to become amazing through love.”
“Yes. They're wonderful women. All the characters are wonderful.”
“40+ parts?”
“They're still being published. I can't wait for more.”
“Easy to get to and download from Smashwords?”
“Very easy.”
“And they're available with the You Set The Price feature, so you can pay as little or as much as you want, even free.”
“Oh my god, yes! You've heard of it then.”
“Yes, ma'am. Unconventional Affairs is all over the city. And Jay Gaudette writes in an easy uncluttered way.”
“Yes, he does. He's so much fun to read. And there's one more thing, Sergeant.”
“What's that, ma'am?”
“They're funny too.”

Back in the station, Bill asked me, “What do we do, Joe? This is a tough case.”
“Yeah, Bill. It is. Some things are inevitable.”
“First there was Overly Attached Girlfriend memes, then there was Justin Bieber, then came K-pop, and now this; Unconventional Affairs by Jay Gaudette on I think we need to surrender to the idea that everyone—EVERYONE—is going to get hooked on it. There are going to be billions of Wilhelmina Vandervorts out there. And there isn't a thing we can do about it.”

Dum dum-dum dum. Dum dum-dum dum dummmmmmmm!

Monday, June 22, 2015

A fantastic interview by Meg Amor

Author Meg Amor just published an interview she did with me. It was fantastic!
Here's the link.