Friday, October 17, 2014

Randy "Macho Man" Savage is turned on by Tough Cookie Kessel

I'm Randy "Macho Man" Savage, and I used to think I was the meanest, toughest, most hard core hombre that ever walked the Earth. But I'm just a big weenie compared to Marie "Tough Cookie" Kessel, one of the lead characters in Unconventional Affairs, the romance series by Jay Gaudette.

Wow! She's a Coastie and she's super-tough. When she and her lover, Mark, are confronted by an AWOL Navy squid with a grudge and a gun, and he fires on them, well, you're just going to have to find out what happens for yourself. It's a throwdown of epic proportions. So download them at the link below, and if you don't I'm gonna come knockin' on your door!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Howard Cosell likes Live From Saltwater Sally's, The United States Sex League Role Play Finals

Not since the Thrilla in Manilla in 1975 which pitted Mohamed Ali and Joe Frazier, have I witnessed such a stirring and provocative sporting event like Live From Saltwater Sally's, The United States Sex League Role Play Finals by Jay Gaudette. This detailed and pithy transcript of that extraordinary display of physical and mental sexual acrobatics is a must read for any sex-sports enthusiasts. And who isn't? Furthermore, not since I had the pleasure of working with the great Frank Gifford and Dandy Don Meredith have I personally witnessed such great broadcasting prowess as that of Chip Schumacher and the rest of the broadcast team, especially perky Julie Crookshank, who once again gets right into the heart of the action. What a trooper. So, run, don't walk to your favorite ebook retailer and download your copy today!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Edgar Allan Poe wrote a poem for Jay Gaudette

Once upon a midnight dreary, rubbing eyes both red and bleary,
Over many books of which with hopes will give me rise,—
While I bellowed, almost screaming, hoping there would come a streaming,
New and wondrous works of which romantic word applies,
"Tis all the same thing," I muttered, "finding it is such a chore,      
Always this and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remembered, with expectations fully tempered,
Characters, rich, good and plenty, and not all the normal stuff,
Eagerly I wished for something, besides all the normal grope and humping,
From my computer I strained to find, plots devoid of all the fluff,
I crave romantic stories, sexy, funny, poignant,
I look for all these evermore.

Then on the door I heard a tapping, maybe it was really rapping,
It happened all too quickly so I could not really tell,
But through the door their came a raven, looking sharp, all washed and shaven,
“Dude, you have a prob that I can see is causing hell.
Download Jay Gaudette’s Unconventional Affairs from Smashwords. It’s all you need.
Only that and nothing more.”

I quickly scanned the samples given, "I can tell that Jay has striven,
To telling stories, tomes, and quips that I would surely like,
This shit is really fun to read, with characters so rich indeed,
and the sexy parts contained in it do really get me off.
(The Raven asked, "Off? 'Off' doesn't rhymn with 'like'. I replied, "Sorry.")
I asked the street-wise Raven, "But, are they expensive, prohibitively so?"
Quoth the Raven, "Listen, jack-leg, even though the suggested price is only 99 cents, during the Unconventional Affairs Binge-read, you can get them for free. But it's only for the duration of the event."

I asked the Raven if I should ever try to stiff an independent author ever again.
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Nancy Drew uses Jay Gaudette's stories as "inspiration"

Women's Sexy Sherlock Holmes Costume (Small 2-8)I have a confession to make. I am sick to death of the whole "girl detective" shtick. God, I've been doing it for so long that I'm just about ready to puke. The baddie is always that perma-grouch old farmer, some weird college professor, or some really gross, dirty old man that lives in a beat up old Airstream trailer down by some polluted river. Yada, yada, yada. I'm bored to tears with it all.

But not long ago, something so totally cool happened. I came across Jay Gaudette's short stories, The Porn Star Party parts 1 and 2, and after I read them I knew what I really wanted to be; a porn star! Oh, yes! The idea of getting smashed by some big, hung, panty-dropping, melt-in-my-mouth man-meat just makes me wet. His stories are so hot, so outrageous, and so much what I want from now on. You gotta' read them yourself.

Anyway, the Hardy Boys are coming over to make an amateur, three-way video with me. They should be here anytime now and....

Oh, hi guys. Yeah, I'm ready. Drop your boxers and let me see what you have.
Oh. My. God. They're huge!

William Shakespeare is a Jay Gaudette fan!

Hey, y'all, Bill Skakespeare here. Ya' know, sometimes after I be writin' all damn day, there's nothin' I like more than sittin' down with Jay Gaudette's Unconventional Affairs romance series. I tell you what, they are tree-mendous! They're funny too. Git one fer yerself. Hell, get all of them.

Listen, I gotta scoot. I'm in the middle of a very dramatic scene from my latest play called Carl and Lulu. I just finished a great line for Lulu. She's up on top the house, and she's yellin' down to Carl, "Carl! Carl! Where the hell are you, Carl?" I don't care who ya'll are, that's good shit right there.

Chester Arthur likes The Unconventional Affair

Chester Arthur, the 21st President of the United States says -- "Whenever I'm not being presidential, such as signing the Pendleton Act, rebuilding the Navy, or suppressing Chinese immigration, I like to sit down with a good yarn. My favorites come from the Unconventional Affairs romance series by Jay Gaudette. My word, how grand they are. Witty, fun, suspenseful, great characters, and the naughty bits are very good too."